First, let me preface this by saying authenticity and discovering yourself is a lifelong journey. If this is your first time, welcome. If this is your four-thousandth time, welcome. Life is constantly changing us and it’s up to us to decide what changes are pulling us away from ourselves. If you’re not sure what that core self looks like, that’s okay. I’m going to give a lot of tips and ways to rediscover yourself. Next time, we’ll talk about implementing some of those discoveries.
Through all of these steps just remember we’re centering your voice. Your voice is the one that matters here, not your partner, not me, not societal expectations, just you. You deserve to truly exist, so continue on with love and acceptance that’s just for you. However, if your authentic self is a serial killer, maybe skip to tip eight.
- Go back to the beginning
Why? We’re starting over, so where else? If you aren’t your authentic self right now, there’s typically a reason or a whole lot of them. For some, it can be childhood trauma. It could also be social pressure. However, going back in time to childhood versions of yourself can give you a clearer picture. You might have a specific period where you know that you were truly yourself. Alternatively, during different stages, parts of yourself might have been more authentic. For example, my self-expression was fantastic with the jr. high version of me, but the elementary school version was better at filling her time with things that she loved.
How? Meditate, journal, and think about which versions of you were the most authentic and what made them special. What were you interested in that you’ve let slip from your life? What were the values you held dear? Are any of these items things you want to bring back? When did you feel that you were the most you, you’ve ever been? Tip three can help with this as well.
- Journaling
Why? I know not everyone is a fan, but it’s a great way of organizing your thoughts and feelings. It has mental health benefits that you will need through this process like reducing depression and anxiety symptoms. Your anxiety is probably going to get louder as you exist authentically in the world more and more. There’s a reason you tucked away that part of you, so your brain is going to try to protect you by making you feel like you’re dying every time you put on a particularly loud accessory.
The most important aspect of journaling is that it gives you an avenue of exploration. Increasing authenticity requires doing a lot of internal work. It’s helpful if not all of that work is done inside your head. Journaling gives you something tangible and physical to work with through this process.
How? Journaling can look however you want. Art journaling can be a great avenue if you’re not into writing paragraphs or bullet journaling. Type it. Write it by hand. Do anything! If you love buying specialty journals there are even ones dedicated to finding yourself. I own one. I filled out three pages in the past year. We’re going for progress, not perfection here, people.
- Inner Child and Shadow Work
Why? I say it’s important to try to be intentional about mixing in shadow and inner child work because you cannot reconnect with your true self while disrespecting and misunderstanding past versions of yourself or unconscious tendencies.
What?! For those who didn’t get pulled into the 2021 shadow work trend, shadow work is merely the subconscious version of you that often guides your knee-jerk reactions and unconscious behaviors. Inner child work is pretty much how it sounds. We’re communing with the child versions of you and healing old wounds.
How? It’s up to you really. There are journals for shadow work or even online journal prompts on Pinterest. One tool that was very useful for my inner child work is I have created a safe space, a little bricked-in garden, within my mind where I sit with the childhood versions of myself and I give them whatever I feel they need. We have conversations, cry, and hug. As weird as that sounds it’s been the most impactful. Also, when I start feeling really big feelings I’ll start to look at it. Where is that feeling in my body? What does it look like? What is at its core? This is the very intentional work that helps to reacquaint yourself with you. It’s important that all of this is done with love and compassion for yourself. We’re trying to align and love. You can’t fix yourself by continuing the same abusive habits that silenced the most precious parts of you.
- Meditation
Why? We’re bringing out parts of you that have been hidden for reasons only you know. Bringing those out is going to make you feel very dysregulated. Meditation is a great way to give yourself some emotional stability so that you start to associate authenticity with good feelings instead of destructive ones.
How? As an ADHDer I’ve found that guided meditations help me a lot. If that’s your jam, I like the apps like Headspace, but there are other options I’ve enjoyed like Youtube or meditation audiobooks. Other options include: walking meditation, unguided meditation, deep breathing practices, body tapping, and yoga.
- Build Up a Support System
Why? It’s incredibly helpful to have people supporting you who are aware of the journey you’re undergoing and will hype you up. If you’re surrounded by people that are actively holding you back it can derail you from progressing through this sometimes messy process.
How? Take a hard look at your family and friends. Pick out the ones that are most likely to understand and be supportive. For me, I also had to avoid loved ones who had the tendency to loudly and stubbornly declare their opinions on everything. Whoever you choose, let those people know what you’re doing and talk about it. Start opening up that commentary, but remember your thoughts and feelings need to be more important than theirs. We’re trying to hear our own voices better, not theirs. Don’t have anyone right now? That’s okay. We have other options. Consider hiring a therapist. You could also join a group that is working on bettering themselves, like a fitness group, book club, or whatever interests you. Maybe deepen a relationship with an acquaintance that has friend potential.
- Embrace Play
Why? Self-discovery often takes itself entirely too seriously. If you’re going to experiment with bringing parts of yourself back it feels less scary if you come at it from a perspective of play. You’re not going to get it right every time. Trust me. You’re going to overcorrect. You’re going to try on trends that are not at all aligned with your personality. Yet, if you’re just playing you can have a good giggle and move on. No big deal.
How? Play dress up. I’m not kidding. Try on clothes like the ten-year-old version of you. Put on whatever makes you smile or excites you. Then take a picture of yourself and tweak the outfit, but center how it makes you feel. Need to exercise because your grown-up body has needs? Play. Take up sparring, dance, join a sport, and do whatever makes your soul light up. You’re following your joy. Not sure what things you really enjoy? Approach trying new activities with a playful mind.
- Find a Creative Outlet
Why? Unfortunately, much of our culture is built around consumption. There’s a whole lot of research that explains why it’s bad for our brains and bodies, but I would also argue it’s terrible for our self-expression. You can’t know who you are if you’re always watching how other people live, so strap in and start filling up your time with your own creative ventures.
How? What did you like to do before the world told you you couldn’t make a living doing that? I know, it’s a big very sad question. I have a few things. Mine were writing, art, singing, and dancing. Now, that is not to say I’m particularly talented at any of these. Still, it doesn’t mean they’re not worth doing. Just because they do not generate a profit does not mean they do not have value. These ventures have value because I say they have value and I am in charge of me and my actions. So what’s yours? What makes you curious or inspired? It doesn’t even have to be serious. This is for you. I started out coloring during classes because it helped me to stay focused on the professor, but it kept growing. Now I paint murals, create artwork with acrylic ink, and all kinds of artistic creations. The point is just to try some things out that allow you to have creative expression. It really will help, even if it’s just for ten minutes.
- Start Therapy
Why? I know this isn’t an option for everyone. However, if it is an option for you, then it’s incredibly helpful to have a professional outside perspective. It’s easy to get trapped in our own heads during this process and at times it can really trigger our anxiety. If you have wounds around being yourself or you felt like you had to hide yourself to feel safe then this process will feel very triggering. It’s important to have help working through those triggers whenever possible.
How? I prefer an in-person therapist, but there is online therapy through Betterhelp and services like that. There are also AI apps that allow you to talk through your emotions. I’ve tried all three of these options and like I said I prefer in-person, but they all help in different ways. Find one that’s accessible for you and add it to your routine.
The point of this list is to help you get started on your path of rediscovery. At this stage, we’re just making introductions with ourselves. We’re not making big life changes. We’re just looking inward and discovering the feral and free versions of ourselves that exist outside the confines of what we “should” be. Through all of this, be patient with yourself. Give yourself lots of love and take your time. Also, feel free to reach out. These are all tips based on my journey and research, so I’m happy to help anyone attempting this big important journey.
Feral & Flourishing 
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